northern zen

It's easy to be relaxed when you live in an environment that is mostly peaceful, an environment that is not in a rush, people like to take it easy. But even then, life can get busy. Balancing work, hobbies, play, visiting, etc... can be tough.

Lately we've been fortunate to do some visiting and to have people visit us. It is always nice to reconnect with family and friends. What is especially nice about many relationships that we have: maybe we don't always talk on the phone or see each other in person as much as we'd like, however, when we do get-together, we can pick up where we left off, like no time has passed. To me that is a relationship with love, one that is not strained by grudges and second-guessing, a relationship that is honest, and they are ones that are cherished.

Sometimes, however, I think of relationships that I do not have that at one time I did. I try not to have any regrets, but there's still a quiet longing for something that isn't there. Don't get me wrong, I understand there's only so much that I can do, and I will not dwell on what I do not have. Perhaps its the naive dreamer in me that hopes for things that are unlikely. I will not lose hope, but I will accept the way things are, and the way things will be.

Most of the time I am truly content. A state of comfort, a sense of well-being. I feel I belong, and I feel I am home. I enjoy life and I enjoy work. I have changed some since moving here to the north - I am calmer for one. I have learned to slow down and enjoy things, which is simple to achieve when virtually everyone around you is doing the same thing. In this state of mind, and in this place of living, its quite easy to see the good in things, easier to look on the bright side.

I feel blessed, and for that I am truly grateful.

flourish by detachment

Sometimes we are put into interesting situations. Take starting a new job, for instance. No matter how well you can read people, an interview (or more than one) can only tell you so much. Only time reveals how things are, whether they be good or bad. When you are fortunate enough to enter a work place that has very little negatives that is great.

But what about those places that are in disarray? Maybe the prior management/administration really fouled things up... Maybe the person who had the job before you was so well loved that your presence becomes insult to them... Maybe people got so used to doing things a certain way that any change (even good changes that truly are NEEDED) becomes a hindrance and you are resented for representing that change. With any of these types of situations, time spent in a new role can be very difficult. After many years of experience in the 'field' one may learn how to better deal, but even like the newbie, some things are just too much to handle.

How long do you spend in such an environment? How much effort do you put forth just to be met with resistance at every step? How much can one take? Would anyone in those shoes question a decision to just walk away?

Too many workplaces become the main source of stress in life. Its bad for health, not just our health as the newbie, but those who were there before our time. Its uncomfortable for everyone, and the worse the relationships get, the more the work suffers. It brings pleasure to no one, no sense of accomplishment, and certainly no sense of reward.

Sometimes the situations are so dire that animosity is everywhere, and emotions run high. Everyone seems to be working against each other, rather than together. To that new person just starting out, this can be very discouraging. There are some professions where this disappointment can be overcome simply with a new place to go to work, but for others, it can make or break a long career ahead.

If newbie is going no where, and no one around them is getting anywhere either, wouldn't it just make sense to part ways? Would anyone blame the newbie?

* No, this post is not a real story, not one that is happening to me. Though it's roots do lie in the truth, I've simply created a hypothetical situation based on real-life experiences. Comments are welcome!

an altruistic pursuit

My work at the church is far from glamorous. I perform relatively mundane tasks, many that are repetitive tasks.

But glamor isn't the reason I applied for the position. I never wanted to be front and center in the spotlight (though when there's a typo in the Sunday bulletin, everyone knows who did it! hehe). No, I applied for the position in an attempt to give back.

I have been blessed with skills and talents. Many of these talents could easily be used for positions that have a much higher gain in terms of finances, or personal recognition. However, those pursuits are not for me.

When I was little and thought about what I would be when I grew up, there were many things that came to mind. I can honestly say that philanthropy was not one of them. However, the reward I feel from doing such altruistic work is far greater than anything I initially could have imagined.

So I am not going to "strike it rich" by being a church secretary. So what! Being rich and materialistic is not in plans for me anyway. When I think of a big house, fancy car, lots of "stuff," I just can't see myself being the one that owns it all. I have what I need, and I love what I am doing, for me, that is enough.

I am also blessed with a husband who feels the same way. He also has a benevolent and generous spirit. Helping each other grow in this regard is a wonderful thing to experience. We both feel that we are not put on earth to conquer, to *have*, or to take more than we need.

Yes, we need to earn a living, to support ourselves and the needs of our household. But while doing that, we are fortunate to do work that we love, work that allows us to directly give back to God while earning income to sustain ourselves. Its the best of both worlds, if you ask me!

year in review

It has been a pretty eventful and stressful year. But also a year filled with blessings, many of them unexpected and a couple of them quite sudden. Here are the highlights of 2009.

January

January was a tough month. I was temporarily laid off (seasonal work) and was expecting only part-time work when things resumed next door. Jeff had been doing some temping in December, but January brought along a halt to that. Jeff ended up taking a telemarketing job, certainly not his favorite and way out of his comfort zone. But we needed the money, and I am happy that he did what needed to be done for us. I started job searching, more for a second part-time job, but had applied to some full time jobs as well.

January also brought on the somewhat humiliated feeling of having to borrow money from someone. I wasn't sure if this person would do it, but they came through, and that was a blessed surprise.

There were a couple house showings in January, but no interest. January brought month 3 of the FOR SALE sign out front.

February

Jeff's telemarketing job continues and I am back to work part-time at the greenhouses next door. But things there are busier than expected, and full time work is available to me. However, in the meantime I had been interviewing and was offered a part-time job with more pay. Jeff and I worked some things out with our current employers, and we both ended up working two part time jobs which had us both at work 6 days a week. We "job-shared" at the greenhouse next door (Jeff there when I wasn't, and vice versa). It took a bit to get used to the schedule but more money was coming in.

Again a couple of showings, but no interest in the house. Month 4.

March

March was a better month. First, all our T4s and tax stuff was ready, so I filed taxes. Jeff got a nice chunk of money back, which allowed us to pay off 2/3 of the money we borrowed in January.

Both of us working, me liking my new job much better than Jeff likes his telemarketing one...

March was the end of our listing agreement on our house. We lowered the price, signed for another term, had an open house. Still no interest.

April

Things are running quite well with each working two jobs. More money was coming, bills were being paid, and some back log was being eaten away. We still weren't quite sure where we were going to get the rest of the money owed from what we borrowed in January.

A few house showings, and... no interest :( 6 months!

May

The Spring weather brought on more house showings. Some more detailed interest, and towards the end of the month we saw our first offer! It was a pretty good offer, but conditional on the other people selling their house. We also continued to have other showings, and would have entertained other offers if there were any.

May also brought us a new/renewed contract for a website we had designed and been maintaining for years. This overhaul came with a price, money up front, and the rest upon completion. The upfront money paid the rest of our "loan." And now we just had typical credit card and regular bills.

Work was going well, though Jeff was getting pretty tired of things at the call center, and who can blame him.

June

Well, Jeff finally had enough and decided to leave his telemarketing job. We had done the math and knew that financially we would just squeak by. Especially if our house sold soon, because we had that offer after all.

But the other people's house didn't sell, and they decided not to ask for an extension. So, no offer, back to the house being plain old for sale. We had some showings, and a new offer! Well, don't get too excited yet, it was a pitiful offer that we rejected.

Then the month turned from okay to worse... We were both laid off from our greenhouse job, and were replaced with students when they finished school for the summer. We were grateful to have the job while it lasted, and I will leave it at that.

July

Jeff begins some serious job hunting, and tries to keep busy. I still have my other part-time job and am still working 3 days a week, and its a job I love.

July brought a new offer! Again, this one was conditional on the people selling their house. But our agent was their agent, and we were kept up-to-date on how things were going with their house, and we continued to show ours.

One day at my work I noticed a job posting for "warehouse person" at another branch. I thought that it was something Jeff could do, and gave his info to that branch manager. Jeff was interviewed and was hired, and by the end of the month he had his first pay cheque. In the meantime he had interviewed and even tried out a few other things, but this warehouse job was the one that just worked for us.

The only downside was that Jeff had to get his car back on the road. It was an issue with the catalyst converter, plus he needed an oil change, some brake work,and an e-test. And we needed to renew the sticker. We still didn't have a lot of money up front. But we have retired mechanic friend down the street, and long story short, he and his son (a professional welder) repaired the damage for free! All Jeff had to do was the brakes, which was a struggle (and a long story in itself) but finally done.

August

Things were going well with both our jobs. I was enjoying my two days a week off and getting stuff done at home, and we settled into a routine. There was more money being earned then previously, so we were more comfortable and less stressed.

But the people who offered on our house, nope, their house didn't sell either, and they didn't ask for an extension. Our house was back to being regularly for sale... for a short term... The very next day we had a new offer! This one was conditional only on financing! It was a bit lower than we had hoped for, but still, this was the best overall offer yet! Remember that rejected pathetic offer I mentioned in June? Well, these were the same people with a reasonable offer. It took 5 days, they confirmed their financing, and YES!!!! Jeff and I put up the SOLD sign, a very happy moment indeed. And then the fun began, with just 6 weeks to pack up and move out! This was nearer to the end of the month, closing date Sept 30th (which would be 11 months from the day we initially put it up for sale).

A lot needed to happen in those 6 weeks, as our plan always was to relocate up north. Jobs were needed, and so was a home. Jeff spoke to someone about working from home (telecommuting) for an organization he helped to found. The assumption (based on past experiences) is that it would be a long process, and just hopefully he would be able to start close to our relocate date. The very next day, far less than 24 hours later he received a call and was offered a position! Talk about timing. He then had to resign from his current warehouse job, and in less than a week begin his new job.

The following weekend we made a 1 day trip to up north and looked at 6 apartments. By Monday afternoon we received the call that we got the one we wanted. Now all was left was for me to resign as well, which was tough, because I loved working there.

All of this, and still 1 week of August was left. I began job hunting and we began the process of sorting and packing.

September

What a busy month! I was still working 3 day a week til the end of the month. We sorted the house, I did most of the packing (which is okay, because I had the most time). We had 2 yard sales. We sold stuff on Kijiji and we gave stuff away on Freecycle. We made a trade with our neighbor, they would dispose of all our junk, and we would give them furniture that didn't sell.

Moving day came. No hiccups. It was a busy couple days. Load up on Wednesday, drive up north, Jeff drove the rental, I drove my car with the kitties. Spend night in motel. Unload on Thursday, then drive all the way back down south to return the rental truck. Then drive all the way back to our new home in Jeff's car.

October

The month started out with a whirlwind. The Thursday mentioned above where we unloaded then made the return trip was actually Oct 1st. The first week saw all the boxes unpacked (well, all that were going to be unpacked) and the entire apartment scrubbed from top to bottom. Everything was done in about 5 days.

Then we made a trip to see Jeff's family for Thanksgiving. It was a nice weekend, and such a short drive compared to when we used to do it from down south.

The rest of the month consisted of Jeff working, me job hunting, and trying to keep busy. I did a lot of baking that first month! We also dealt with Cogeco a couple more times than desired, but in the end got a new modem which has been flawless since.

We took advantage of the nice fall weather, explored trails, admired the colors, and saw some wildlife. Beautiful town!

November

Jeff continues to work away. The end of the month marked the end of his 3 month probationary contract, and we are happy to report that they didn't can him and he now has the standard 1 year contract.

I continued job hunting, and trying to stay busy. I scanned all 14 reels of my grandmother's slides, a daunting but rewarding task. I did some more baking. I cleaned twice a week. I made arrangements with the landlord for $100 off rent if I cleaned the common entry way. Boredom and a loss of purpose starts to set in, but I am not discouraged.

November was also the month where I did something very out of the ordinary - I set up the Christmas tree and decorated the house, and it wasn't even December yet! I don't know what I was thinking...

December

This was a month spent chasing kitty away from the Christmas tree. I did Christmas cards, more baking, more job searching, more walking, more trying to stay busy.

I tried, but failed, to see my sister. Failed because the car failed. Had to get some work done to it, and spent a bit of money, but not to bad when all things are considered. The following week was (a successful) second attempt to go see my sister, and it was a wonderful day.

I had a close call with my poor oak tree. :(

Christmas was quiet, with just Jeff and I and a 12lb turkey - lots of leftovers! Presents consisted of us shopping together. We both got some pants and sweaters, I got new winter boots, and Jeff got a new coat.

New Year's Eve will be spent with my sister, then off to see Jeff's family for a few days on New Year's Day. Holidays wrap up and end on my birthday!

See you next year!

lights... but no camera, no cells, no action

A long time ago I blogged people's useage (or lack there of) of their lights while driving. I am surprised at how few people realize that not only at dusk, but also during drizzly/foggy/rainy days, that full lights are just a good idea.
Running lights are effective really only when they are your headlights (not dots like my car) and only effective for oncoming traffic. But tail lights should be essential. Say I am driving the speed limit, or just over. You are not. Maybe you are scared because of the weather, maybe you are just preoccupied with something else (talking on your cell maybe). So I come around a corner, and there you are, a slow poke, and I have to hit my breaks harder than I'd like. One might blame me, maybe I'm going too fast. Whatever. All I am saying is that if your tail lights were on, I would have noticed sooner that you were there.
I tend to think things like that are common courtesy. I also tend to think that we as a society have less and less of it as time goes on. Just like we have less and less common sense; less and less morals; less and less love. If we cared a little more about other people, then it would be easier for us to realize how selfish and unobservant we can really be.
Talking on cell phones/texting, even taking pictures on your camera phone while driving tells me that you don't fully *care* about everyone around you. Putting on makeup, or reading something (other than a map, and I still think you should pull over to do that) tells me that you don't fully *care* about everyone around you. Not using headlights and tail lights when the weather or light conditions require it tells me that you don't fully *care* about everyone around you.
Its not just you on the road, we are all on the roads. Your actions could result in serious accidents or worse. Your divided attention behind the wheel could propel your little rocket into someone else's car, whcih cause cascading crashes from there. You could seriously destroy property or other vehicles. You could hurt people and yourself. You could kill people.
Maybe I am being a bit over board on this, but I just want people to get it. When you are driving, you MUST be fully aware of everything going on around you. Even if travelling at slower speeds, but especially at high speeds, the risk is just too great for you to be so in your own little world, so much that you don't seem to have any regard for other people's safety.
I just want people to get it - perhaps reading this list from CAA will help.

"un"wisdom for the ignorant

I have thought about this post all day, but I am still not sure I will be able to keep my thoughts as coherant as I would like. Bear with me...

The idea started a few weeks ago when I became a more "regular" attendee of LifeChurch.tv. There was this 4-part series called True[ish]. You can watch them via their archives! The pastor was talking about things in this world, in this day and age, that we (even us Christians) hold as true, but in fact they aren't really true at all. Over the few weeks I began to reflect on things that I held as virtues, and I began comparing them to who Jesus was and what He held as virtues. I would like to be able to report that I am "right on track" but I am a sinful human, and I am not anywhere near close to Jesus in those regards. (Nor is anyone else I suspect. And no, that is not a judgement, just a fair comparison of where we ALL stand next to Jesus' examples. Unfortunately we all come up short.)

This pastor of LifeChurch.tv is not what I would refer to as a typical pastor, at least not typical for the denomination I grew up in. Honestly, I don't really think his preaching style would be overly appreciated by most. However, I appreciate how he was able to highlight the absolute truths found in the Bible. He pointed out his own, and all of our flaws, and while doing so, he never once made me feel berated. He did however, remind me how much we fail on a day-to-day basis to act as Jesus' example showed us. How much we fail at "doing justice, loving mercy, and walking humbly with our Lord." Micah 6:8.

I don't really want to get into too much detail on the specifics of his sermons, I really encourage you to watch for youself. What I wanted to focus on is the outstanding question I have, the same question I almost always have when I leave church.

How?

We hear sermons that reflect on Bible passages. We hear what the scriptures mean in layman's terms. We hear how we don't measure up. But to me something is still missing. How do we do it? Where is our tangible check list of things to do or try, our guideline?

Yes, we have the Bible itself, however, it doesn't have these nifty little lists. If you start a new job, or go to learn a new subject in school, you have a trainer/instructor. Then you run through examples to explain the theory. The next step is running through some of those examples on your own, to see how you do, and where you need to make adjustments. One would never try to solve the square root of a number without knowing (or at least have written down) the quadratic equation.

Where is our equation, our list, our instruction manual on the HOW? I get the why. I understand the theory. How do you put it in practice?

has anything changed... for the better?

Recently I watched this video on YouTube. It is a speech by Severn Suzuki at the 1992 UN Earth Summit. I would highly recommend taking 6 and a half minutes from your busy schedule to listen to this (at that time) young girl, barely a teenager, who says things we should all be saying.

It amazes me that this speech is from 1992. The issues she talks about are still very much present today. I asked in the title of this post - has anything changed? Not for the better if you ask me. Things have really only gotten worse. All of the issue she talks about still exist today, and there are even more issues on top of that!

She is a well-spoken, bold young lady. The things she says really made me pause and think of what I can do about things, now. I do some things already to help the environment. I recycle, big time. I conserve, big time. I re-use things. And with all of that, I try to educate people. However, it is never going to be enough, even if every household in the world conserved as much as possible, there are still all those industrial factories consuming more than I ever thought possible.

I have shared before the website called StoryOfStuff. There is another great video there too, but you will need to set aside about 20 minutes. Educating ourselves and each other is one way that we can hopefully stand united against the governments and businesses of this world that are consuming at such an alarming rate, its scary!

I think that especially as a North American society, we need to stop consumerism. We need to stop planned and perceived obsolescence. What we need to do is go back to perhaps the days of our grandparents, when throwing out a used milk bag was unheard of, because didn't you know that you can wash it and then use it for a storage bag?

I will stop now, before I aimlessly go on and on. Preserving and repairing our Earth is something that we must all do together. But ultimately its a personal choice. Only you can decide if you will think twice about tossing something that really can be re-used. Only you can decide to go green.

no real surprises here...

I just read a friend's blog and did this personality test. Thanks 'Rain!
well, honestly, I didn't perceive myself to be so "judging"... hehe

But for a lot of the answers, the ideal choice would have been:

• “sometimes both, it all depends on the circumstances!

changes

We have done so much work around this place over the last couple months. Its hard to believe some of the things we accomplished! Many of the projects were fun, and some of them provided some reward and a sense of pride. However, its hard to enjoy it all as a whole when so much around here has too much negativity attached to it.
So rather than having all those projects done for US and our quality of living, those projects have turned into a resale enhancer - we are selling!

zen for christians

I've been reading about Zen.

Well, it actually started with reading this article and its comments about multitasking. Interesting how one led to the other...

But Zen. You can look it up and spend some time reading about, I'd say its well worth the reading. In the meantime I am going to summarize a few points.

• Zen emphasizes experimental wisdom
• Zen de-emphasizes both theoretical knowledge and the study of religious texts in favor of direct experimental realization
• Zen is a 'way' which concentrates on direct experience rather than on rational creeds or revealed scriptures

So what does Zen have to do with being a Christian, and how do I feel they are somehow related? Maybe more so, I think that Christians could use a little more Zen in their lives.

Experimental Wisdom/Realization, Direct Experience - Zen talks about doing and experiencing rather than reading and imagining. As Christians we spend time reading the Bible, and don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting we stop. However, how much time to we spend just *being* in God's creation?

I know of these people, not Christians, who travel quite a distance, packed in a large van, from the city out to the rural area. They do physical labor, don't get paid too well, and are not treated the best. Ask them why they do it - they will tell you, to be with "this" and they kinda do that pointing/shrugging things with their hands up... I think you get the idea, they are referring to everything around them. They work in the fields, with plants, and they LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

To me, that is Zen.

I think Jesus knew Zen. I think he led by example, sure he spoke, but it was his deeds that awed. We are encouraged to explore this earth, and examine it. Its the basis behind science!

I remember a line I heard in a movie, you can question the movie and its suggestions, but one line, a supposed quote from Jesus himself... "lift a stone and find me, break a branch I am there."

Zen for Christians? Zen for me.

sum of its parts

Washing machine, part 2...

I blogged about my washing machine, and the cost of fixing it vs the cost of purchasing it, and how I somehow doubt that its original cost is actually its value! I am taking a shortcut here, and literally copy-pasting an article I wrote for another purpose. It applies, and I don't think you have to read between the lines too far - especially if you check out the story of stuff.


I often reflect on what technology has done for us. It has provided us with a means to do more. We can communicate more quickly than we can with most other forms; we can share files; we can get information.

Consequently there are other “mores” that we get, those that we don’t enjoy. Ironically, we get more communication, more files, more information. This translates into more of our time being spent using technology, the same technology that was designed and created to save us time.

Let's look a bit more closely at the "more" … More time, more resources, and even more paper. Yes, we are now able to produce things faster than ever before, but to what end? With information at our fingertips, almost at the ease of a button, why are we still printing so many documents?

We spend hours online--social networks, research, games, shopping. US e-commerce spending reached $34.7 billion by the third quarter of 2007. What are we buying—things to make our lives “better?”

With so much time spent online, with this influx of stimulation, and with the time spent earning an income to pay for them, it’s hard to find the time to use our things; Soon they become out of date and obsolete (whether actual or perceived obsolescence). We dispose, and buy more.

We’re a culture of disposable goods, disposable incomes, and possibly disposable values. We are disposing at a phenomenal rate. In six months' time, 99 percent of your current purchases will have been consumed, used, and disposed.

We talk of recycling, composting, and other "earth-friendly" practices (don’t get me wrong, I am not saying we should give up on those) but these only have a slight impact on our overall consumption. The average factory produces 70 times the waste that we do.

[ Want the facts? http://www.storyofstuff.com/pdfs/annie_leonard_facts.pdf
or watch the video: http://www.storyofstuff.com/index.html ]

What can we do? How do we get back to the point where this all started, the point of using technology to aid humanity, and not using it to destroy ourselves? We start now. It sounds simple, and in reality it’s not so simple, but it truly has to start with a different attitude.

We need to think of less as being more. Less intrusion into our time, the time we are meant to spend on other things – Our relationships with people, for example. We need to want less, do less, use less, and in doing so, we might find that what remains is so much more than we might have expected.

ahhh...

The tooth is gone, things are healing nicely. In fact, the pain from the dental surgery, and even all the annoyances that go with the recovery, are NOTHING compared to before...
And to think I already paid once to try and fix that tooth... Hind sight really is 20-20, shoulda pulled that tooth then.
Glad its over... well, almost... 1 last tooth to fix.

extract it already...

I have been home basically all week. Sick (the 'flu' kind), sinus infection from my tooth, tooth pain; not to mention the reaction to the stupid anti-biotics, like constant heart burn. What a week. Next Thursday I get the tooth pulled... Just want it over and done with already.