I just don't get it...

First of all I have to acknowledge the significance of blogging two days in a row...
So here is why... I had hoped and prayed that the "thing" the other day would be recognized for what it was - something unnecessary. Unfortunately that was not the case.
Today there was a big discussion, then nothing... its over, done. Well, good! Swept under the rug I guess. I am not really being sarcastic or facetious here (really, I'm not!), I am going to consider it a good thing... The discussion, however, was just strange. I am left feeling very empty and lonely. Though I have finally stopped questioning myself.
Lately its been all about focusing - on the good, the blessings. I have not processed today's events well enough yet to achieve that, so I will focus on the good things I already know (work related):

• I have received appreciation for the contributions I make by many people - office colleagues, CRWM co-workers, field people, etc.
• I have good friends in the office. You know who you are - I am grateful for you. I love you.
• I have God-given gifts and talents that He expects me to use well - so I am helping to advance His kingdom, in my small way.
  

Sigh, Shrug, pfft!

Man oh man, where does one start. Yesterday was just a stupid day... It started out fine. In the office we learned about the body of Christ include all types: all colors, all abilities, all gifts, all personalities... It was a good message.
Then something happened, I don't really know what. I was on a personal call, sometimes that happens. Normally not a big deal, and not to sound like a cliff jumper, but "everybody does it." The nastigram arrives in my inbox. Well, at first that is not fair, at first I thought it was a joke, a tongue in cheek thing... I replied in the fashion of joking around.
Now THAT was a mistake... Whew! I am not even going to go into the details of what happened from there, other than I think it was out of control, unnecessary and an over reaction. But, it didn't really seem to be about me though. It seemed to be more about the other person. Don't get me wrong, I am not deferring blame here. Considering the circumstances (that I was not cognizant of) I do feel it's unfortunate I replied in the manners that I did.
But, to be honest and (as I am apparently frequently heard saying) not to be rude, but I have now moved passd it. I feel it can be described as this:
This person needs an outlet, unfortunately due to circumstances they need to take frustrations out of someone. I do not believe they are even aware this is what they are doing. I believe that God is fully aware, and no, this is not some sick sense of humor. God knows this person needs this outlet right now. I ask myself - who else do I know with thick skin like mine? Not too many. God KNOWS this too... No offence to anyone else who works in the area, but I do not see a better candidate to deal the brunt of their release.

Assessment...

Lately we have had to assess things - finances, employment, lifestyle, living arrangements - you name it! It has been interesting to say the least.
But I won't say the least, I will focus on the "most."
What I got out of it was time with my husband. Time to share my feelings about how things are, how they used to be, and how I 'see' them in the future. He did the same. We were aligned already in a lot of areas, and this exercise only proved to further align us to the same path.
It is exciting to have this experience, a new, and renewed, sense of closeness.

Head lights AND Tail lights people...

With the time change from daylight savings ending, its dusk when I drive home. I think the invention of the "daytime running lights" was pretty neat, however, those engineers didn't take something into account.

I think they forgot about human behavior, and our tendancy to "forget" how to do certain things when there is the appearance that its already been done for us. Running lights are not so bad for oncoming traffic, normally, even those cars like mine with little dots that light up rather than the actual headlights, I can see them coming.

The point of frustration comes when approaching a hard to see vehicle from BEHIND - if you do not have your tail lights on, its difficult to see they are there. Especially when the sun is setting...

Of course there are also all those idiots who don't put their lights on at all - they are just a league of their own...

C'mon people - yes, there are lots of things that are done automatically for you - but there is still only ONE person who can think for you - so please use your brains now and again...

Why do roads have more than one name?

The other night we were out touring Guelph and Kitchener. We ended up at a Swiss Chalet in Kitchener and had a delicious 1/4 chicken dinner - it was the festive special, with stuffing, cranberry sauce and even chocolates... mmm
Oh, yeah, my blog...
Anyway, we turned of this expressway thing onto a road. I had a map, and because it was dark we were proactive enough to bring a flashlight. The road name was no where to be found on the map, yet we were driving on it.
So we asked the server at the restaurant, she was very helpful in naming all the streets and how we could get to here and there, however, she as well was unable to locate "us" on the map. You guessed it, a paper map. Yes, a GPS would have come in handy with a little "you are here." Why thank you!
A little later back home with full stomachs I googled and zoomed in on the town - voila! the answer... The road also had a 'highway' number, my map had a number, but not the street name, the street had the name, but no number.
There it was, right on the map the whole time.

History Repeats?

What is it about "people" that I just don't get? It seems I am easily frustrated these days. I find I easily make excuses then wonder what the heck that is all about... Comments easily spew from me, well, maybe not that easily, but certainly more freely than they should. I am aware of this, and understand it is a problem, I guess that it the first step, and the second is a nice hot bath reading my "Anger is a Choice" book.

Anger... Today I Made the WRONG Choice

I am barely started on my new book, "Anger is a Choice" (by TimLaHaye and Bob Phillips). Already it seems pretty interesting. It starts out to say that anger is a natural, and even potentially helpful emotion (cool), however (uh oh) we need to listen to our anger and experience health and healing.
Hmm... They relate it this way: You don't realize the stove element is still hot and you rest your hand on it. What is the first thing you feel? After stupid (yes, the book actually says *stupid*) you feel the pain of your hand burning. They ask - Is the pain we first feel a friend or enemy? A friend - at first - because it tells us HEY your hand is BURNING, you may want to remove it from the burner. If we ignore that friendly first reaction we leave our hand on the burner and the pain becomes a first, second, third degree enemy.
They continue on to say that our emotions are similar - at first they can be our friend, it allows us to recognize injustice and stand up for the persecuted for example. But if we ignore our anger it can fester - it becomes our enemy to the third degree. We have a CHOICE - we can ignore it and experience great emotional pain, or we can listen to it and experience that health and healing.
So today... If I were in that hand on the stove scenario, lets just say I'd have some bad burns for sure...
But with the help of the Great Physician our burns can be healed, and I have to believe He has already started that healing process.
Thanks to those of you who are closest to me, and the support you offer.

What to read...

I have two new books and I am not sure which to read first. One is a gift from a friend, called "Managing Your Emotions - Instead of your Emotions Managing You" and the second is "Anger is a Choice."
I have been deemed an angry person more than once in my life, so is that the emotion I need the most help managing? Or is my anger a symptom of some other deeper rooted emotion? I guess the only way to find out for sure is to read the books, which comes back to the original question, which to read first. (I am not one of those who has several books on the go...)
So it comes back to FEELINGS, and I feel angry more than anything else... I guess that's my answer!