have I learned anything this year?

I'd like to say "yes, of course..." but how true is that? Okay, I will give 'myself' a little more credit than that. With the help and will of God, through people, books, etc, I am realizing that love and kindness go a lot further than process or semantics...
I guess I could list some things:

• I have learned things about my father (over the past couple years) that I guess I never wanted to admit were true. I should have listened to my siblings a long time ago.
• I have learned that there are right, but many more wrong ways and places to express anger and frustration.
• I have learned that genuinely caring about people's feelings is important.
• I have learned that not every one is an idiot (still trying to 'learn' that not all drivers are idiots too)!
• I have learned that I am a lot of things that I do not want to be.
• I have learned that I am a lot of things that I do want to be.
• I have learned that some bad things happen and some good things happen (but not quite enough to blurt out all that *stuff* about it building character).
• I am learning to be content in all situations.
• I am learning to look for the good in all things (kind of the same as the above one I guess).
• I am learning to be in control of my emotions.
• I am learning to be happy!

a "little" birthday goes a long way

Today was one of my co-worker's 50th birthday. I planned this surprise lunch at an all-you-can-eat buffet where the birthday person eats for free. The plan went off without a hitch, and it was a good time.
But all of this surprises me somewhat, seeing as who I am and the fact that I haven't always gotten along with this person. However, these kinds of things seem to build the relationship - doing things for others, just because. And going out of my way to engage in these kinds of things takes me way out of my comfort zone. My natural reaction to this kind of talk is puke!
Could it be that I am changing the facet of my very being? Whoa there... let's not get carried away just yet!

that was nice

We had a significant snow storm, lots of wind, and lots of snow drifts. We were out shoveling the driveway. We were a little ways done when this guy with a tractor and some plough do-hickey offered to clean out the rest.
Cool!

like forever

Its starting to feel like forever since I blogged... Where does one find the time? Well, you don't "find" time... You have to make time.
I haven't made the time. There are so many things to do, prioritizing tasks is key, and it seems that even as I type that this is not a high priority. Yet I feel I must blog more often else my blog becomes useless - my fear from the beginning.
We'll see I guess.

the fall

So I feel I should be carrying on with the story and latest of last week's events, that will come. But first I must tell you about my silly fall.
We had quite the snowstorm overnight Saturday to Sunday. Sunday I went out on our deck (its 8 steps up from the ground). It was covered in snow, pretty deep. The shovel was not on the deck, I needed to go get it.
This started my trek down the snow covered steps. Well, underneath that snow was a nice slick layer of ice, conveniently hidden so I couldn't even tell it was there!
My foot slid out, down I went... I fell almost on my tailbone, but more off to the one side. I tried to grab the railing with my left arm, but it was already too late.
There I went, bouncing on my bottom, all the way down the stairs! It was actually quite funny. Lucky for the snow, it cushioned the landing. I also seem to have some "natural" extra padding built right in!
Yes, funny, mainly because no one saw, and because at that point nothing hurt. I got up... Got the shovels, and we (by this time the hubby was outside) shoveled. Yes, funny, until later that night when things started to ache... Was it the fall (still hadn't told the hubby about that) or was it the shoveling?
Yes, funny, until the next morning... I could not move. The slightest move or touch (hubby *gently* shaking me awake) was excruciating! My whole left side... Ouch...
Yes, funny again, because I am feeling a lot better... (Though holding my arms up to type seems to tire me out!)

I just don't get it...

First of all I have to acknowledge the significance of blogging two days in a row...
So here is why... I had hoped and prayed that the "thing" the other day would be recognized for what it was - something unnecessary. Unfortunately that was not the case.
Today there was a big discussion, then nothing... its over, done. Well, good! Swept under the rug I guess. I am not really being sarcastic or facetious here (really, I'm not!), I am going to consider it a good thing... The discussion, however, was just strange. I am left feeling very empty and lonely. Though I have finally stopped questioning myself.
Lately its been all about focusing - on the good, the blessings. I have not processed today's events well enough yet to achieve that, so I will focus on the good things I already know (work related):

• I have received appreciation for the contributions I make by many people - office colleagues, CRWM co-workers, field people, etc.
• I have good friends in the office. You know who you are - I am grateful for you. I love you.
• I have God-given gifts and talents that He expects me to use well - so I am helping to advance His kingdom, in my small way.
  

Sigh, Shrug, pfft!

Man oh man, where does one start. Yesterday was just a stupid day... It started out fine. In the office we learned about the body of Christ include all types: all colors, all abilities, all gifts, all personalities... It was a good message.
Then something happened, I don't really know what. I was on a personal call, sometimes that happens. Normally not a big deal, and not to sound like a cliff jumper, but "everybody does it." The nastigram arrives in my inbox. Well, at first that is not fair, at first I thought it was a joke, a tongue in cheek thing... I replied in the fashion of joking around.
Now THAT was a mistake... Whew! I am not even going to go into the details of what happened from there, other than I think it was out of control, unnecessary and an over reaction. But, it didn't really seem to be about me though. It seemed to be more about the other person. Don't get me wrong, I am not deferring blame here. Considering the circumstances (that I was not cognizant of) I do feel it's unfortunate I replied in the manners that I did.
But, to be honest and (as I am apparently frequently heard saying) not to be rude, but I have now moved passd it. I feel it can be described as this:
This person needs an outlet, unfortunately due to circumstances they need to take frustrations out of someone. I do not believe they are even aware this is what they are doing. I believe that God is fully aware, and no, this is not some sick sense of humor. God knows this person needs this outlet right now. I ask myself - who else do I know with thick skin like mine? Not too many. God KNOWS this too... No offence to anyone else who works in the area, but I do not see a better candidate to deal the brunt of their release.

Assessment...

Lately we have had to assess things - finances, employment, lifestyle, living arrangements - you name it! It has been interesting to say the least.
But I won't say the least, I will focus on the "most."
What I got out of it was time with my husband. Time to share my feelings about how things are, how they used to be, and how I 'see' them in the future. He did the same. We were aligned already in a lot of areas, and this exercise only proved to further align us to the same path.
It is exciting to have this experience, a new, and renewed, sense of closeness.

Head lights AND Tail lights people...

With the time change from daylight savings ending, its dusk when I drive home. I think the invention of the "daytime running lights" was pretty neat, however, those engineers didn't take something into account.

I think they forgot about human behavior, and our tendancy to "forget" how to do certain things when there is the appearance that its already been done for us. Running lights are not so bad for oncoming traffic, normally, even those cars like mine with little dots that light up rather than the actual headlights, I can see them coming.

The point of frustration comes when approaching a hard to see vehicle from BEHIND - if you do not have your tail lights on, its difficult to see they are there. Especially when the sun is setting...

Of course there are also all those idiots who don't put their lights on at all - they are just a league of their own...

C'mon people - yes, there are lots of things that are done automatically for you - but there is still only ONE person who can think for you - so please use your brains now and again...

Why do roads have more than one name?

The other night we were out touring Guelph and Kitchener. We ended up at a Swiss Chalet in Kitchener and had a delicious 1/4 chicken dinner - it was the festive special, with stuffing, cranberry sauce and even chocolates... mmm
Oh, yeah, my blog...
Anyway, we turned of this expressway thing onto a road. I had a map, and because it was dark we were proactive enough to bring a flashlight. The road name was no where to be found on the map, yet we were driving on it.
So we asked the server at the restaurant, she was very helpful in naming all the streets and how we could get to here and there, however, she as well was unable to locate "us" on the map. You guessed it, a paper map. Yes, a GPS would have come in handy with a little "you are here." Why thank you!
A little later back home with full stomachs I googled and zoomed in on the town - voila! the answer... The road also had a 'highway' number, my map had a number, but not the street name, the street had the name, but no number.
There it was, right on the map the whole time.

History Repeats?

What is it about "people" that I just don't get? It seems I am easily frustrated these days. I find I easily make excuses then wonder what the heck that is all about... Comments easily spew from me, well, maybe not that easily, but certainly more freely than they should. I am aware of this, and understand it is a problem, I guess that it the first step, and the second is a nice hot bath reading my "Anger is a Choice" book.

Anger... Today I Made the WRONG Choice

I am barely started on my new book, "Anger is a Choice" (by TimLaHaye and Bob Phillips). Already it seems pretty interesting. It starts out to say that anger is a natural, and even potentially helpful emotion (cool), however (uh oh) we need to listen to our anger and experience health and healing.
Hmm... They relate it this way: You don't realize the stove element is still hot and you rest your hand on it. What is the first thing you feel? After stupid (yes, the book actually says *stupid*) you feel the pain of your hand burning. They ask - Is the pain we first feel a friend or enemy? A friend - at first - because it tells us HEY your hand is BURNING, you may want to remove it from the burner. If we ignore that friendly first reaction we leave our hand on the burner and the pain becomes a first, second, third degree enemy.
They continue on to say that our emotions are similar - at first they can be our friend, it allows us to recognize injustice and stand up for the persecuted for example. But if we ignore our anger it can fester - it becomes our enemy to the third degree. We have a CHOICE - we can ignore it and experience great emotional pain, or we can listen to it and experience that health and healing.
So today... If I were in that hand on the stove scenario, lets just say I'd have some bad burns for sure...
But with the help of the Great Physician our burns can be healed, and I have to believe He has already started that healing process.
Thanks to those of you who are closest to me, and the support you offer.

What to read...

I have two new books and I am not sure which to read first. One is a gift from a friend, called "Managing Your Emotions - Instead of your Emotions Managing You" and the second is "Anger is a Choice."
I have been deemed an angry person more than once in my life, so is that the emotion I need the most help managing? Or is my anger a symptom of some other deeper rooted emotion? I guess the only way to find out for sure is to read the books, which comes back to the original question, which to read first. (I am not one of those who has several books on the go...)
So it comes back to FEELINGS, and I feel angry more than anything else... I guess that's my answer!

It's coming along

So awhile ago I wrote about the greenhouse. We are making some progress. I just want the project to be done, but this needs to happen before that, which is waiting for this... Not well planned out - but that makes sense based on the fact that no one actually did any planning!
But, it will get done. The neat part - my husband and I have been spending time together, outside, working on the same project - cool!
See for yourself...

This is the "floor" but still at the neigbor's

The frame is almost done...

Feeling Strange...

So some things have been happening lately - not specifically in my life, but if the life of someone close. It affects me. I am feeling, well as the title suggests, strange... My body feels weird, my mind is fuzzy...
I have to go to Grand Rapids, AGAIN, tomorrow for 2 days, don't suppose there is any way out of it. I guess I could easily limit my participation, seeing as my clarity, creativity and all around thought processing skills are completely inept right now.
Could I spend the entire 5.5 (or so) hour drive listening to music on my headphones and not have to socialize... Hmm...

Whoosh!

I was pretty groggy this morning, late to bed last night, hit snooze twice (have time only to hit it once), and so I was rushing around a little. I took the quickest shower that I remember taking for years (its okay, I really am clean). I was still in a hurry, because timing it tight in the morning, and now my lateness will also affect Jeff. I toweled off while exiting the bathroom, like I said, in a hurry; normally I lollygag awhile...
I open the bathroom door to hear and see something, WHOOSH!
I almost freaked right out, and yelled “Oh Crap!” Jeff is almost wide awake now… So he asks, what is wrong? (A little crabby, it’s first thing in the morning and the crazy lady is yelling…) So, what was the whoosh? The best ‘person’ to ask would be our fun loving little angel of a cat, Buddy… What did Buddy do? She brought a friend into the house… JOY!
This is what went whoosh:
Well, not EXACTLY this bird, but one very much like it…
Birds in the house were a pretty common thing when we lived in the city (again, ask Buddy) so we got pretty good at catching them. This little guy was flying all over Jeff’s office, finally we cornered him and Jeff got him in a towel. He is now free!

Please note: No animals were intentionally harmed (by humans) for the making of this story.

Get Rich Quick??

So lately I have been trying to come up with some 'get rich quick' schemes. Well that's really not accurate, its more of a 'get enough to get by comfortably in a reasonable amount of time' scheme - essentially, make more money and hopefully while doing something you enjoy.

But what happens when you enjoy your work and maybe the money just doesn't seem to be enough? Now I am not talking about being greedy and taking more than my fair share, that's just all I want - my fair share.

But this isn't really about me, because I am starting to feel like I can actually have both, and for ONCE without having to quit my job! On the other hand, I will say again, this isn't really about me, more my husband. So, my question is - what do I do to help him?

Time Hog...

So, I just spent the last half hour or more customizing my blog, including a new header that now seems kind of cheesy... (What do you think?)
I have been wanting to keep up with the blogging, but I am so verbose, hard to scale that down...

It's a park, it's a forest, it's...

You would likely never guess, but it's the inside of a greenhouse. Yep! We bought this off our neighbor, for a decent price, but the "hidden" cost of dismantling it.
On that note, another good thing came out of my trip to GR last week - my husband and my father took down the greenhouse - together! Now, this is rather surprising on many levels:

1. We made arrangements and paid for the greenhouse months ago - and never did any work!


2. My father has an interesting, unprecedented opinion of my husband and his abilities.


3. There was a lot of work!

But, they apparently had a good time, and worked well together - is this the beginning of attitudes-a-changin?

It struck me

I was in Grand Rapids, Michigan this past week for the Internet Ministry Conference 2007. It was a good time, networking, learning, and best of all, spending time with Lorraine.
We were out driving and I glanced over to see this beautiful flag flowing in the breeze, lit up by spot lights. It struck me how much more patriotic our American friends are than us Canadians.
This flag reminded me to be thankful for the things that make Canada great! So, a snap shot of the front of my house - hard to see, but I AM CANADIAN!

It's about time...

After a long resistance I finally decided to create a blog. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against blogging. My fear is that I will neglect to maintain it, and therefore this might be the one and only post!
So what does one say when it might be the only time they say something? Preferably something memorable, something meaningful, something wise; and maybe with a touch of humor. Now that's going to be tough.
Some people blog about pet peeves and things that bug them. That's pretty easy, but I am afraid that list would be way to long. An equally long list would be the things I am thankful for.
Each day I struggle to not dwell on the frustrations of life, struggle not to get so upset so quickly. So perhaps this blog will be an outlet for me, so I can keep my sanity! Who knows what blogging will have in store for me.