goodbye - but i said hello instead

I wasn't going to blog about this, but I am going to. For a couple reasons, and actually the least of which is that it is nice to rant and rave in my blog!

I stopped by my former place of employment. It was kinda a whim, I was in the area. I didn't go past the main lobby at first (I no longer assumed I was free to roam about, regardless of the nature of the environment) and I was even whispering so very few would know I was there. I felt very out of place in that building.

But then some people came around the corner and were so happy to see me. People missed me. People made the difference. I ended up going past that front lobby area and roaming about (accompanied at all times, cause I try to be proper, and certainly don't want to do anything that could be somehow in some way used against me).

Uh oh, prolly too late!

While I was sitting in the lobby waiting, a person came through. This was 1 of 3 people that I specifically wanted to avoid at all costs. I had nothing, absolutely NOTHING to say to any of them. I admitted readily that it was my own bitterness that caused me to feel this way. I *knew* exactly what was going to happen with this particular person...

But someone told me it wouldn't happen, that the 3 would be more mature and respectful than to even talk to me! I disagreed, and commended my friend on her faith in humanity, cause mine was not so bold. Its very unfortunate that I was right.

Here's the scene. I am sitting there, magazine in hand. Another former colleague (who I happen to like a lot) was chatting with me. The 1 of 3 came through and saw me. This person did some interesting yet awkward bending down while turning around motion, reminded me of an ostrich actually (if you know who I am talking about, I am guessing you can picture it in your head). Then it came. The *smile* and the very *sweet* "Oh, HI Jessica! How are you???" [end smile here]

Wow. As prepared as I tried to be, I still felt an overwhelming sense of annoyance. I soooo wanted her to prove me wrong, that she wasn't going to be as audacious as to pretend that everything was forgotten, and to pretend that she didn't play a role in the things that have happened, a BIG role.

I soooo wanted this representative of the church, a specific denomination, to be bigger than that. I expected this member, employee, consultant, praise team leader and elder to realize that those kind of behaviors are actually frowned upon not encouraged! I question this choice of church leadership, for two main reasons:

1. The Bible also questions it.
1 Corinthians 11:10 states "For this reason... women ought to have a sign of authority on her head." and more so 1 Timothy 2:11-12 "A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or have authority over a man, she must be silent."
Before all you women's rights activists go crazy on me, think of the source! These are not my words, rather the words of God that He gave us in this handy little book called The Holy Bible. How can you or I or anyone question these words? Women in the world, the secular world, the general society, now have "equal rights" (though by the time we reach the glass ceiling we still have our windex bottle in hand to clean the damn thing, women's lib movement did NOTHING to help me be a wife in this world!). Just because of that, we now need to push that movement into the church?
I understand that all throughout history Christianity has struggled to be in the world but not of it. However, when there is no clear direction from the highest leadership of the church to uphold the Word of God, what is one simple member to do? How can the church allow women to be in authority over man when the Bible clearly instructs against it?

2. The Bible also questions it.
Regardless of the "gender issue" the Bible would still question this choice in leader. 1 Timothy 3 talks about the qualities needed to be an overseer or deacon. Things like above reproach, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable... Must be able to manage his own family. Verse 5 specifically asks "If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?"
This particular person in my opinion (bordering on judgement, but I leave that to God, obviously!) is not above reproach, self-controlled, hospitable or respectable. To me, their behavior is despicable, abhorrent, and I loathe the thought of this person being part of the running of anything, let alone a church.
But Timothy also talks about family. As verse 5 suggests, I believe that single people should not be leaders of the church, and probably not even someone who is "just" part of a couple. A church leader should have a family!

I am still disappointed that this person didn't prove me wrong. I got what I expected, because I expected very little of this person. My brother was right, lowering expectations usually means you get what you expect! I just wish it was more satisfying.

So, at the end of the 10 seconds of seething, I managed to mutter a civil one word response to the ridiculous and disrespectful exuberant display.

"hello"

when all I wanted to say was "goodbye"