time is on my side

Haven't blogged for awhile... this is pretty significant news...

Yesterday I resigned, effective at that moment.

Now I have all this free time on my hands! YAY!

Seriously, we will be okay, and I will look for another job. Not the end of the world, in fact, it feels pretty good because now I can focus on the more important things in life. So many other things have 'suffered' lately because of the stuff at work, quite frankly, its not worth it.

Sorry if that seems rude, or uncaring, its just the way it is.

one word answers

'Rain did this in her blog and then tagged me... I love these!!!

One Word
You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

Not as easy as you might think!

1. Where is your cell phone? unpurchased

2. Your significant other? office

3. Your hair? medium

4. Your mother? Heaven

5. Your father? moved!

6. Your favorite thing? sleep

7. Your dream last night? forgotten

8. Your favorite drink? coffee

9. Your dream/goal? undefined

10. The room you’re in? home

11. Your ex? dunno

12. Your fear? changing

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happier

14. Where were you last night? home

15. What you’re not? understood

16. Muffins? okay

17. One of your wish list items? stereo

18. Where you grew up? Lakeville

19. The last thing you did? laundry

20. What are you wearing? clothes

21. Your TV? livingroom

22. Your pets? outside

23. Your computer? adequate

24. Your life? decent

25. Your mood? mediocre

26. Missing someone? YES

27. Your car? rough

28. Something you’re not wearing? makeup

29. Favorite Store? Rona

30. Your summer? working

31. Like someone? yes

32. Your favorite color? purple

33. When is the last time you laughed? today

34. Do you cry a lot? NO

35. Who will/would re-post this? dunno

gotta change my focus

Had a conversation with my sister today, one of the older, wiser sisters (okay, they ALL are! lol). Anyway, she asked me why I never blog about the positive.

Legitimately, I use this blog to write things down, and sort them out. I believe this is likely mostly only helpful to me, sorry readers, especially when I am cryptic. When things are going well, there usually isn't anything to work out. My sister saw this point, cool! :) love ya! But, I also see her point.

So, I need to change my focus, starting every moment of every day. I need to focus more on the good things. I am not saying to ignore the bad, they require their acknowledgment, but they do not need to be the focus. As I quoted Guns n' Roses yesterday, life is not always fair, but there's no point in being miserable all the time.

Well then, what to write about to ensure I include the positive... Hmmm, I'm seriously crazy about my new shoes, how female is that??? Here's a preview of them, what do you think? I just love them, and I think I look good in them! YAY!

resentment more adequately defines it...

I looked up grievance - because I am writing one right now.

... a complaint or resentment, as against an unjust or unfair act: to have a grievance against someone.
Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

I certainly feel some resentment...

• towards the people that have contributed towards this "notice of disciplinary action" that I have received
• towards the process that did not take into account the discussions that happened regarding situations
• towards the 'fact' that I have indirectly already filed my grievance that day - when I finally was able to speak and explain "my side" of things - and that NONE of what I said was taken into account
• towards the 'fact' that ALL of what the "other side" has said was indeed represented
• towards the 'fact' that even though I already explained this all, I now get to write it all down as part of a formal grievance process
• towards step #1 of the grievance process that states: (after receiving grievance) The supervisor and employee will try to resolve the matter informally.

This last point I want to address for two reasons.

First - I already had informal conversations with my supervisor that have been either denied (also known as forgotten), or not taken into account. Hmmm.
Second - What is the point of going through a formal grievance process just for step 1 to be informal. Hmmm.

And in all this I believe I have given clear indication that I feel this is both unfair and unjust. But I must quote yet more lyrics... Today's winner - Guns n' Roses - Breakdown (Use Your Illusion II 1997)

"Remember in this game we call life, that no one said its fair."

just chasing my tail

I'm thinking too this is just going to be a continuation of incoherence like my earlier post this week. I feel like I can't get anywhere. I make significant steps in one area, just to have something in another area completely blind-side me. And then the reverse happens. I communicate more, and articulate my feelings more - yes, still sharing (not sure why)... And I get even more grief because people don't know what to expect. Or worse, I make arrangements for something to happen a certain way at a certain time - then I do it. Then later I get a reaction from people that I did something so totally out there, and they act like there was no discussion.

Seriously, am I living three quarters of the time in my own fantasy ???

I am not imagining these conversations, I KNOW they happen, so why do others seem to react as they do? Sure, I accept that sometimes things are misunderstood, that sometimes there are different perceptions, sometimes I don't articulate myself well, and quite frankly, sometimes people aren't really listening. This is why its not always easy to be happy about the way some things turn out, because somehow, some way, someone gets 'hurt' by it. I'm not usually one to be overly happy about a thing that makes someone else so upset (at least outwardly happy, when my hockey team wins, I don't really mind being HAPPY on the inside that my friends' teams have lost!).

I guess what I am trying to say is that I make changes in my life so I can be happier, more pleasant, an all around better person. I am not vain, nor do I want to stroke my ego, but its very nice to feel good about myself, all aspects of myself! This is good. But why does everything good have to have a bad - why do these changes that are necessary in my life, suddenly be so burdensome to people around me - especially when some of those people, well one in particular, are the ones I am changing FOR!

WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

way out there...

Huh?
Seriously, I'm not even sure if this post is going to be completely cohesive, but I will do my best.
There has been so much going on lately, just one thing after another. I find myself wondering when I will just get the chance to live. I have been processing a lot of things, and its hard sometimes to stay focused on any one thing. I know that extended periods of time have elapsed and I have just been staring off into space - I know this because I've looked up and the screen saver has been on - ha ha.
I guess nothing has been processed well enough to be articulated yet. Waste of a post, nah... :)

I almost forgot - YES, the point of the post... sort of. I have taken a bit of time for myself, and its been good.

better seen than heard

I've had to resort to listening to hockey online. Satellite down, rabbit ears just not quite picking up CBC clearly enough to make out the puck... All I can see in the midst of the fuzz is the players. I cannot see where the puck is so it kind of defeats the purpose, and the station keeps coming in and out.
So, I'm listening. Its not really that bad, cause I can do other things while listening, however, I'm still not familiar with all the players on these teams (Dallas playing at Detroit, I'm sure the Stars won't feel like *stars* after they lose tonight), so I have to refer to the team rosters... Oh well, I would not likely look up the rosters if I was actually watching the game. So I will recognize those as benefits.
But still, there is nothing better than watching hockey live, but if you can't watch it live, at least on a nice crisp clear signal... Silly snowy CBC, you don't really seem like "my" Canadian station, being so hard to tune in... Ironic.

And yes, I am still very much a HABS fan, but 6 of them are now playing in IIHF World Championships (obviously because they are no longer in the playoffs)... But if I had to choose Detroit or Dallas, its the Red Wings, no hesitation. If I had to choose between Pittsburgh or Philadelphia, its the Penguins... But I'm not 100% sure who I am choosing when the Penguins meet the Red Wings in the final, prolly Detroit... just because.

walk away or fight for it...

I hate blogging about my "work" all the time... I try not to, but always something stupid and ridiculous going on. And it gets me aggravated, riled up, and the cynicism and sarcasm flow with ease. Trust me, this week I have come up with some good sarcastic comments, even I have laughed at myself, to the point of my sides hurting! Its great.
But, it really only *means* something to hear it in person, to hear the tone, see the facial expressions, and the actions! All the world's a stage my friends! I am past the point too where I'm going "deep" and not gonna answer the question someone posed - "what does all that sarcasm get you?" Okay, I will answer the ONE thing I FEEL like answering - gets me some GOOD LAUGHS, and who couldn't use a good laugh?!
And while writing this and listening to good tunes, knowing hockey is on tonight, thinking of all the other things in my life, and I'm not even gonna bother going into any details...
I will summarize to say that it seems I have a decision to make, that I feel there are only 2 options for (tho I'm SURE colleagues will disagree, quite frankly their input is not being sought on this). I have been given an ultimatum, either do something or face the consequences... If I "DO" it, then I know I get to keep my job. If I "DON'T" I could lose it. So, do I walk away - which is a very feasible and desirable option - or, do I stay? Hold on before you suggest "stay" because you might want an idea of what it will mean for me to stay...

Got your life jackets handy? I AM GOING TO ROCK THE BOAT, hope you can swim, cause this boat could capsize...

yay storage!

Who new having an empty shed could be so exciting!

Its not the shed itself that is exciting, but the fact that it is empty, the fact that my father actually came last Saturday to empty it.

This after, the NOTE, the somewhat ultimatum I gave him on paper and left in his mailbox. But he showed up, and we helped him load his van, twice. It was kinda weird at first, but then it seemed to go pretty good, and ended well. That's good.

And now that the shed is empty, I could finally move my things in it! Big question remains - what to do with the 90 percent empty space because I own basically nothing!

new look

Its been well over 6 months since I started my blog, so I can safely change the look. Here's the thing though, once you start, you can't stop.
I found a really cool template that I liked, but the ONE element I really wanted to change was being pulled from somewhere else and I couldn't. So I am trying this one. I'm liking the colors, though its pretty plain... Not sure, but we'll see how I feel about it after I blog once or twice.
I'm foreseeing hours spent on my blog look and feel - good things playoffs start up again on Thurs for hockey, it will be awhile before I make changes again...

the habs lost.... man that sucks

My HABS, for those of you who don't know who the HABS are, shame on you, the Montreal Canadiens, NHL hockey team, are now done for the season. It saddens me. We entered the playoffs as the lead team in the Eastern conference, the most points, super hot. We had a tougher series against our rivals Boston than I thought we would, but pulled through and took that series in round 1 of the 2008 playoffs.
That is exactly what I expected tonight, for us to pull through. We were down 3-1 in the round 2 series against the Flyers (Philadelphia) - yah, I'm not giving you an easy link to their website, look them up... We were doing so well in the first period, and our all time favorite goalie, Price - who still ROCKS SO HARD by the way, made some super saves. But then things took a turn for the worse and we ended period 2 down one goal at 4-3. But a nice goal early in the third (thanks Andrei Kostitsyn!), and Price some WICKED saves, including stopping Briere on a breakaway, WAY TO GO Price, WE LOVE YOU.
But Philly scored, a tricky shot, and a tip in, Price didn't stand a chance. One minute to go, and I would have done it to, the coach pulled Price to the bench and six Habs on the ice. But the risk is there for a reason, the puck got away, and the Philly player made it first. In the empty net.

Worst part of it all - no, not having to take off my HABS jersey knowing it won't get worn again till next season... no, it was the WALK OF SHAME from my car to my house, after the ceremonial removal of the sweetest HABS flag from my car window.


Next year boys... your still my team!

seriously, i don't make this sh*t up!

Occasionally I actually give a serious response to select people when they ask how things are going for me, and how its going since my father moved out, etc...
The serious response includes the latest tales of things that my father has, or has not, done; and they stand there dumbfounded. No, its not what happened on yesterday's episode of an afternoon soap opera, its not some fictional novel I have read recently.
As preposterous as it may seem, this is the reality right now. Its no longer hard for me to imagine, or surprising to me. With him, the only thing to expect is the unexpected, as cliché as that may sound.
So, because its so hard to comprehend, seems my group of select people who occasionally get a response just got smaller, and the occasional more exaggerated.