just chasing my tail

I'm thinking too this is just going to be a continuation of incoherence like my earlier post this week. I feel like I can't get anywhere. I make significant steps in one area, just to have something in another area completely blind-side me. And then the reverse happens. I communicate more, and articulate my feelings more - yes, still sharing (not sure why)... And I get even more grief because people don't know what to expect. Or worse, I make arrangements for something to happen a certain way at a certain time - then I do it. Then later I get a reaction from people that I did something so totally out there, and they act like there was no discussion.

Seriously, am I living three quarters of the time in my own fantasy ???

I am not imagining these conversations, I KNOW they happen, so why do others seem to react as they do? Sure, I accept that sometimes things are misunderstood, that sometimes there are different perceptions, sometimes I don't articulate myself well, and quite frankly, sometimes people aren't really listening. This is why its not always easy to be happy about the way some things turn out, because somehow, some way, someone gets 'hurt' by it. I'm not usually one to be overly happy about a thing that makes someone else so upset (at least outwardly happy, when my hockey team wins, I don't really mind being HAPPY on the inside that my friends' teams have lost!).

I guess what I am trying to say is that I make changes in my life so I can be happier, more pleasant, an all around better person. I am not vain, nor do I want to stroke my ego, but its very nice to feel good about myself, all aspects of myself! This is good. But why does everything good have to have a bad - why do these changes that are necessary in my life, suddenly be so burdensome to people around me - especially when some of those people, well one in particular, are the ones I am changing FOR!

WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?